The Importance of Having Objectivity In Relationships

Ok, I will impart my wisdom to all of you today. You're welcome. I was talking to my mom and she told me about a new girl that started working at Wegmans, where she works part-time so that we can have nice things, as my parents decided they wanted to have children too. And God sent them me, the clumsy girl who breaks their crap and needs medical care for everything. Seriously, I have a dermatologist, orthodontist, dentist, optometrist, pediatrician, and a therapist who I cry to when people roll their eyes at me. I need to vent so I don't pass out in rage. Once I was so mad, it wore me out and had to lie down, and while I was down there I just clonked out. Then I woke up and was like, "Dang it," I was trying to prove a point! Anyways, this girl named Bella told my mom that her parents made her get a job to pay for her bougie expenditures and while talking to my mama she complained to her about how no guys at her high school ask her out and that she wants a boyfriend. That was all it took for my mother to sell me down the river. She was like, " Yeah, nobody asks my daughter out either hehehe" #Longerthebetter... bitch. If you couldn't tell we have a very casual relationship.

Then I started thinking and I was like, hmm you know, it's probably good that the boys are not flocking to me because chances are I would say no. I don't really get crushes because I hold myself to high standards and feel that my person should hold themselves to an equal level and not have to smack every single exit sign they walk by. What I'm saying is I look for 4 specific traits and if you have them I will be into you for a hot minute. I'll keep those traits to myself though because if I put it out there like that it's like giving someone a road map to manipulate you. The reason I know that is because I would do that and be like, * Snap Snap* time to adore me, get off the Xbox dude, fabulousness has arrived. However, if you naturally have these traits I will be like a parasite on a rhino's back for you, you can not shake me, and it's cute that you would try. I have learned from my past though, and I feel like this is a very accurate ( And slightly shameful) representation of it lol.

When a boy is really into me and being consistent:

Me in the past to the boys who have absolutely no interest in me:

You know when your friend is talking to someone and they are just collecting red flag after red flag and you're just like, girl, this isn't the end of a soccer game! Stop running around in circles with this person and cleaning up their mess. Nobody is high-fiving you and I'm literally about to throw a Gatorade bottle at your stupid face! Stop chasing him and pay attention to what everyone else is able to see clear as day, except for you for whatever reason!

Then you self-reflect and you're just like... don't look at me.

The importance of being objective while seeking relationships with others is that you don't make excuses for things you don't like about them. I've had friends in the past where I would suppress what I was feeling as to not stir up conflict but that just made it all come out at once and made them confused and caught them off guard. I took in that data and realized that I can't just all of the sudden come at people out of left field like that where I'm like, last August you said this, this, and this. And they're like did I even see you last year?! There needs to be open communication as soon as something happens or you'll end up looking like a F-ing lunitic.

Trust me, I'm speaking from experience. If they keep doing the same thing or aren't giving you back what you're putting into this connection, don't put the energy in, keep them at arms length. Unless they are being mean to you, you don't have to go around burning bridges, just don't exhaust yourself stressing over other people's behavior, because that is something you can not control. If reciprocation is not there or your priorities and their priorities are not in alignment it will be incredibly difficult to build a close relationship that fulfills your needs with that person. Everyone wants to say that their flaws are things like, I just have too big a heart and don't like giving up on people! No, dumbass! Your problem is that you are too emotionally invested, your ego is bruised, you don't have boundaries, and on top of all that you don't want to swallow your pride and admit you were wrong. That was totally not a conversation I have ever had to have with myself...

I'm not the friend who is going to tell you what you want to hear over and over again, because I've noticed once you do that people just want to live in their own victim narrative. Seriously, who in their right mind wants to be seen as weak! " I'm offended by everything in the world. Could you please restructure everything around me so my precious feelings don't get hurt?" I swear all the whiners on the internet who sound like this get on my nerves so badly. It's like yeah, life happens, people aren't always going to be perfect. Get over it! Drop that self-sabotaging mentality, my god! In my opinion, the people that are afraid to be uncomfortable, are threatened by other people's opinions, and can't self-adapt will never be successful. Toughen up, buttercup, your bitching is getting not only boring but predictable. Get a life. If I wanted to hear what is wrong with the world I would watch the news and read articles, I sure as hell wouldn't listen to an insecure 16-year-old with details or experience to back up their claim.

As you could tell from my rant just there, my flaw is that I'm bit of a hot-head. No, that doesn't mean that I'm a smoke show, which frankly was what that thought it meant for years, and when I found out what it actually meant, I realized I had been thanking people who had been calling me that for years. Which is somehow both funny and sad at the same time. I've had to learn and I'm still learning what deserves a reaction and what doesn't because people get on my freaking nerves, but now I know confrontation has an art to it, and you can't just go screaming at baristas who mispell your name. Really, how hard is it to Julianne instead of Juliana? You are on the other hand able to calmly ask someone who didn't make your latte what they meant by a rude comment and call out disrespectful behavior... thanks, mom. My friends are all like, " Your mom is a bad bitch!" And I'm just like I know, AND she can cook. I will never not be in her shadow, and her marinades will continuously cast me away in the darkness. I'm kinda cool too though, I make some mean brownies and know my way home off of route 332 so, yeah.

I think it is important to look at yourself as you would another person to recognize certain behaviors in yourself because it truly makes you better and more self-aware, and by being self-aware, you also know your self-worth and are able to be confident in yourself, despite your flaws. Again, nobody is perfect, however, it will help you find quality friends and romantic relationships. Don't settle for less than what you are! It's not fair to yourself.