My AP Exam Tips!

It's AP season and I have some tips to help you through! It has come to my attention that some people think I actually have my life together, and those people are just adorable! To the girl who told me that she thought I had my priorities straight and that seemed like I was the type of girl to write on post-it notes, you seem lovely and very kind, however, I will stop talking to you immediately. I need someone to believe I'm organized and I'm afraid If I speak with you any further you will get the right impression of me. You may realize that I get more excited over my favorite influencer getting engaged than getting in the 90s on a test. Unless it's a math test, an 80 is something worth shouting from the rooftops in Geometry. Thankfully I'm getting a new math teacher for the last quarter. I think switching is best because at this point in the year... I'm ready to decor shame that women's house with all the girls and the gays in my science class. I don't know what kind of army I'm building in Mrs. Harradine's 4th period Bio class, but just know we all love scheming, are mad at her, and have zero percent real power. We hate your ferns though... they're very dry.

According to her Facebook she lives approximately 10 minutes or so away from me and is sensitive about her weight. Once I saw a meme talking about how when you start drinking so much you don't care you're getting fat anymore, I knew I had found her emotional weak point. Girl fighting is so much more complicated than boys fighting. When boys fight it mostly involves a lot of "Your moms", "Bruhh", and generally just sounding slow. If you want to get a good laugh pass through the middle school. It's so funny! The boys think they're cool but it's really just a big ole pre-pubescent nerd rave filled with voice cracks and hormones. With girls though it's much more psychological, subtle comment here, subtle comment there. Eventually, their self-esteem has deteriorated and you have destroyed them from the inside. On that note, please don't go around making people feel ugly. I understand that you may want to tell people who are getting on your nerves that they look better with a mask, but please abstain from doing so. I like to tell people that, and I don't need any of you to steal my favorite catchphrase. Honestly, I feel like I look very different with a mask. When my math teacher last year saw me over Zoom last year she said that she had to look up who her office hours appointment was scheduled for as she had no idea who I was. When she told me that I was very reasonable and mature. I told her it was okay as I have the combination of fat cheeks and a small face that makes me look 25% baby, and 75% baddie aka the unholy ratio. Since I was in office hours for math help I think she was just proud of me that my percents added up to 100! Go me! Basic math for the win! You may be thinking that is a silly thing to be proud of, should I be taking advice from her?

Yes, I'm great at history. It's basically a big story. If I don't know the answer I just connect the dots of what I think would have happened. I'll be sitting in my seat like Britain said what to India! If I were India I would be like " Hey Russia, um... Britain kind of sucks and is being really mean to me. Wanna be friends and like we could hate them together. Only if you want to though! Wanna go swimming? Then I'll write down that in big words! Honestly, wars are stupid. I've said for years that countries should just start making diss tracks.

Vladimir Putin:

Everyone else:

Pssh! Vladimir Putin, hehe. Who can take anyone seriously with a name like that? He may have underestimated the Ukrainian army at the beginning of this mess, but with a name that sounds like a Canadian breakfast special, if my dumb butt was in Ukraine I would be posting on Instagram like #Unphased. This man doesn't belong in Ukraine, he belongs on a menu somewhere. Not somewhere nice though. At least Benedict Arnold got eggs benedict. Stop screwing yourself over, you could be a breakfast meat one day!

I love Mr. Ojeda but he really sprung that bomb on me. No pun intended. I came into school at 7:35 in the morning and I hear WW3 might be happening. When I heard that I was like, * Surprised Pikachu face*, and turned to people around me like, "Is he serious? Is this an early April fools joke?... Russia? Oh, I thought was Germany? Wow.

Again, Mr. Ojeda is wonderful but I am your leader how and you must obey me. As your new dictator... uh I mean leader of AP World, I will be keeping current events in our schedules. Unpopular opinion, current events are bomb! I just kick back and start homework for other classes. I've told him that people don't like them, but he just brushes it off and says he doesn't care. I don't care either Mr. Ojeda, I have an essay to finish.

Me hyping up Mr. Ojeda during current events so he keeps going:

Today we will be focusing on how to do well on the AP World exam, but I'm sure some of these tips can be applied to different subjects as well.

1. Know the Content but know they are also testing your historical thinking skills

Listen people, I have been pouring over my textbook because the repetition method is very effective, and then I summarize the content in my own words later to my family. Classic family dinner conversation am I, right?

Me being good and eating my veggies: "Daddio, wanna learn about the Bantu peoples migration from the edge of Nigeria throughout Sub- Saharan Africa in 2000 B.C.E?

Daddy: "I'm good but your brother will probably be interested."

Me, Internally: Are you kidding, you watched all 4 seasons of the crown on Netflix.

Me, either on my period or being super hungry and taking him not wanting to learn about how the Bantu peoples spread agricultural and ironworking techniques throughout Sub- Saharan Africa, and due to their trade on the East Coast with the Arabs, their languages formed to create Swahili tongue as a personal attack:

The disrespect. But knowing all that won't matter if you can't quickly comprehend the thinking skill or the purpose of the stimulus. I recommend watching Heimlers videos in your free time to prepare. I feel like a nerd and I'm loving it!! You best believe I'm worthy of the glasses sitting on my face right now, that are taking up a good half of it!!

2.) Mark up your paper to get the gist

The gist is all you need to understand the documents on a DBQ and categorize them. You may forget what you read while you're writing so, underline, annotate, draw a Bart Simpson cartoon, basically do what you have to do. Make that sheet of paper look like Pete Davidson's body, leave no blank space.

Tay Tay knows her blank spaces. And she fills them

3.) Read the question before the passage

You may be tempted to read the passage first but resist your urges! I'm telling you not to do that, and no means no. That's like using your GPS but having no destination put in. In both scenarios, you don't know where you are going. You could end up somewhere you don't want to be, like my house. I'll pour you a glass of lemonade but if we're not friends, girl we have a room to clean. Anywho, if you don't know what you're looking for you waste a lot of time.

4.) Focus on studying the 19th the most

As most of the exam is about this time period, so try to focus more on the later units instead of the earlier ones. Hats off if you do both but if you have multiple APs to study for, and don't have much time to waste, do what you gots to do! Go Seneca Falls convention down! Let's do this thing! I'm praying for you smarties who were stupid enough to overwhelm yourselves like that.

So that's all I got. Good luck everyone! BTW if anyone knows the difference between manorialism and feudalism hit me up. I feel like these are two names for the same thing, it's like how Temujin and Genghis Khan are the same, or like how Julianne and Troublemaker are the same. I know right, the terms these days are simply exhausting to keep up with, but at least I got in one final dad joke to sign off with. Your welcome my loves, make me proud but don't do better than me.

Us getting our 5s at the end of the year and being fabulous:

Olivia Jade and those other kids in the college cheating scandal a few years ago getting their 5s for 500,000 dollars:

Don't be that rich kid guys! I want a new library, I don't want to see you in the news. Not that I don't like you guys, but I don't even like seeing classmates when I'm in Target with my mom, please don't make me see you guys on BBC. I will point and laugh at you through the computer screen. Ohhh somebody got caught hehehe! I wouldn't have lol.