Is Slang Actually Cool?

Ok, this needed to be addressed! Does anybody actually think people sound cool when they use slang? Like, I can't be the only one who feels it is the perfect combination between hilarity and stupidity, can I? Now, I am not hating on anybody who uses slang. I even use it sometimes, but you have to admit it sounds kinda funny.

I mean picture a middle-aged man or woman...picture George Costanza from "Seinfeld". He'd be wearing his stylish sable hat to protect the shiny bald patch on his head from UV rays, having breakfast with Jerry and Elaine, and slanging like a sailor. This is how I envisioned this conversation going.

Jerry: Are you guys going to Loraine's dinner party tonight?

Elaine: Yep! I bought a new red dress for it and everything. She told me her cousin Mark would be there.

Jerry: Mark? Stinky Mark or stinky rich Mark?

Elaine: Stinky rich Mark... I'm hoping.

George: New dress! * Jaw drops while holding his coffee cup by the handle*

George: Pictures right now! * points his free hand's index finger directly at the table*

Elaine: *Holds up polaroid (since phones/cell-phones weren't invented yet) to show George

George: Yasss Queen! You look snatched! * sets down coffee to make spastic hand movements*

Elaine: You think so? I'm so glad, she also told me Cheyanne is coming tonight and I heard she has her eyes peeled for a guy who's gonna take care of her now that her Dad cut her off.

George: Girl, she has nothing on you! Sure her eyebrows may be on fleek, and sure she may be body goals, but she is shadier than a palm tree. Remember how she missed her niece's birthday party last weekend because she was "sick. I saw her at the store while lurking behind the hair growth shampoos. * wearing a smug face and sipping his coffee snootily*

George: ... I mean sure it was a pharmacy, but no cap, she was strong enough to hand the pharmacist her prescription. I assume she could have driven over to her sister's house, coughed on her niece's present, and handed it to her too! * shakes head while looking down in disapproval*

Now, do you see where I'm coming from? Go on TikTok or Instagram and you'll find many more forty-five-year-olds acting like this. I think he was forty-five, I pray to God he wasn't younger than that. If he was, people in the 90s did not age well! I tried to edit a Burger King crown on his head as well since in my mind he is a self-proclaimed " queen", but unfortunately, George was being a diva and threw across the room in a fit of rage over the dull decor. We worked it out though, he is allowed to redecorate the living room after his photoshoot. Long story short, I couldn't figure out how to put it on.

To be fair I don't know if I should be judging what is cool or not due to me being absolutely a-dorkable from head to toe. Even my friends think my mom, who is constantly trying to relive the 90s-2000s, is far cooler than I am, and I not gonna lie, I totally get it. Who am I? The girl who when she first heard the phrase, " This song slaps," replied with, " Slaps what?". Honestly though what does it slap? You bitches? Who am I? The girl who instead of minding her own business, has dealt out multiple book recommendations left and right to innocent library attendees ending each sentence with, " highly recommend,' while smirking and raising my eyebrows. Who am I? The girl who used the adjective, a-dorkable at the beginning of this paragraph.

That being said don't take what I've written in this article seriously. I don't want to be "canceled" before I can even figure out how to put this thing on Google. That's right after two hours of youtube tutorials, google instructions, and hard work in study hall, I relented and contacted Wix's support staff for assistance. They sent me Mary-anne to help me, who seems quite promising at the moment... mostly because we haven't spoken yet. Despite this minor detail, I have complete faith in her. To anybody who reads this, I advise you not to be plain and refrain from slang! God, I need to stop my rep is going down more and more with every sentence I type. What are your views on slang? Let me know!